Sunday, 11 October 2009

  • Easy?


    Last week a friend told me not to let people take advantage of me. Told me I don't have to be too nice all the time.
    The following day at Y4C we discussed about "putting others needs before my own"

    So what stops us? Time was mentioned in the discussion group which is very true. Time is precious, we can’t get it back. We’re only concerned about what we need to do for ourselves. But is this wrong? No…If we don’t look after ourselves we’ll only become broken and lost.
    But our own needs won’t take up the whole day. It’s the free time that you have, the things that you can do without. To miss an event or social to help a friend, surely it’s simple?

    I personally find it easy to put others needs before my own, I’ve done it so many times I don’t even think about it.
    To show an act of kindness, to think about another persons feelings before my own…we can all do this. The trouble is what happens when we do this all the time?
    Sometimes your efforts are unnoticed, sometimes we don’t get a “thank you” But this doesn’t matter. We should be doing it and expect nothing back.
    The only problem is when people might take advantage of us and ask for things, favours or suggest things knowing you’ll help. This is what stops us from putting others needs before our own. The fear of being used…the fear of being weak.

    I try to be a nice guy, but there are so many things I can do everyday to put others needs/feelings before my own. I can’t help everyone, but making the right choice of who to help is the most important thing. Sometimes I get it wrong and I end up hurting people. I’m sorry!!

    I like helping people, but sometimes I can’t help feeling weak and easy. I know if something was asked and I feel strongly against it I’ll say NO. I know that I’m not weak but others might only see the easy meal. But I shouldn’t care…it’s MY walk with God.

    I guess all I can do is continue doing what I’m doing. After all, it makes me happy when you guys smile


Monday, 28 September 2009

  • My secret place


    I got up this morning for my 6am run even though I only managed to get about 3 hours sleep >_< As I got to my resting place I stumbled across a bench round the back of where I usually sit. This place was amazing!

    As I sat there I could see the birds flying in perfect formation, I could hear the sound of them land and take off as a flock….yeh, you know the sound :)
    A bird from my right glided down ever so gently, so peacefully and gracefully. This made me think, something this unique, something so beautiful can only be created by our awesome God. The gift of life is so precious, yet we take it for granted. We spend time on our appearance and material possessions, but we never take the time to really appreciate what we already have.

    I looked slightly to my left and I could see a house in the distance between the trees. Below it, I could see the mist of a cold morning floating just above the grass. Just above the house I could see a pale yellow glow, slowly blending in with the light blue sky.

    I sat there for a while just admiring the scene and thinking about how I waste my life. I’m turning 20 (eeek!) for as long as I can remember, I’ve been complaining about how everything doesn’t go my way. Complaining about how everyone else is happy, yet I’m not. Complaining about my studies, my appearance, my financial situation, my love life and so on. It’s time to stop thinking about me me me.
    I should embrace my life and be thankful. It’s time to do something meaningful in my life, to help others…to share God’s love which He has given to me.
    Just as one of my previous blogs says

    I hate seeing people suffer, it crushes my soul. I don't want any of you to go through the sleepless nights/the crying/the loneliness/the what ifs? and the indescribable pain of a broken heart.
    Unfortunately, in order to grow stronger...you have to grind it out. But know that you're never alone. The Lord is with you always, this will never change.

    All I can and will do is give you my shoulder to cry on, my time to listen to you and my love to you.

    I'll be ready to catch you if you ever go too far over the edge.
    I'll be ready to jump in after you if you go too deep.
    I'll be ready to search the ends of the earth to find you if you're lost.
    I'll be holding your hand, I won't let you slip away.
    I'm here for you, whenever, wherever and whatever.
    ♥

    I continued to sit there, praying that the birds don’t poo on me >_< but then I noticed the light blue sky got a little darker, the pale yellow glow moved up to reveal the orange bloom of the sun, waiting patiently to reveal itself.
    I looked back to the right and saw a plane soaring through the sky leaving a vapour trail behind it. I thought to myself, maybe that’s how we live our lives. Blasting straight forward at 500mph to get from A to B, not noticing or exploring what’s to our left and our right. We rush things when all we see is our final destination, where we want to be. But once we get to that point in time, there’s no turning back. The time has passed and we start to wonder what life would’ve been like if we chose another path.
    Instead we should let life take us for a ride and explore new things.
    If we trust in God and let Him lead our lives, He will not forget our needs and our goals. He will take us on an amazing journey through life, learning every step of the way and still get us from A to B.

    I followed the plane across the sky until it lead me back to the house. I started to see a bright orange shine and so I sat up with anticipation. (I think this moment catches people out because you expect it to appear but it still takes ages! Lol)
    But I sat there, watching the orange shine slowly rise above the house and the trees.
    Ever so slowly the orange shine turned into a blinding yellow sun, I could only sit and stare at this marvellous sight as the sun shined into my eyes to reveal the new day.

    I said my prayers and jogged on…at this point I’m freezing to death!

    And there it is…my secret place where I can get away from the world.


Monday, 13 July 2009

  • Love


    It's a powerful word and emotion.
    Everything revolves around it. It brings joy and happiness, it leaves you filled with this uncontrollable feeling where you feel on top of the world.
    It brings out the truth in us all. It's the word that means ill do anything, just for you. It's the word that means I won't let you down and whatever happens, ill always accept you and forgive you.
    It's the commitment to make you happy, to comfort you, to protect you, to inspire you, to motivate you and to just stop and take time to listen to you.
    This emotion that will always come first before anything else, just to make you smile.

    However love can also lead to anger, jealousy and emptiness.
    Angry at the way things turn out. The fact that you're angry means that you actually care about it to fight for it. This jealousy meaning you think about it, and want it.
    The emptiness inside when things turn, when things happen the way you don't want it to happen. When you feel all alone. When you miss someone enough to cry.

    Love influences our everyday lives, Its the one emotion that can spark off every other. The most important of them all.

    I used to think I knew what love was. That I experienced it.
    I know now that I've only skimmed the surface. I can never understand it. The emotions and feelings Ive felt so far was just a taste, a fraction of the real thing.
    However, I realised maybe this is all that we can handle. This is as far as it gets for us.

    Only God knows the full detail of love. Only He can fully understand it.
    All I can do is show this taste of love, this fraction to others. Even though its so small, its enough for us to see His light and His glory. To make a change.
    I will show this love to help others because I'm thankful.
    For God shows His full love for us.


Monday, 29 June 2009

  • The Fight


    There are too many things I think about.
    Things that maybe don't concern me.
    Things I'm thankful for.
    Things I can't explain.
    Things I worry about.
    Things I care about.

    Life is complicated, one moment you're in the light, the next you're in the dark.
    Nothing is simple, everything has its positives and its negatives. A right or a wrong.

    There were so many times where I could have ignored it, pretended it wasn't there, taken a different path.
    But however hard I tried, I couldn't ignore it. It burned deep within me...I had no choice but to accept it, to embrace it and follow it.
    Looking back, I'm glad I followed this path. This path to know you more, this amazing journey that has taught me so much. I just don't want it to end.

    It's hard to close my eyes at night when i think about so many different things. It's hard to open my eyes in the morning and face reality.
    It hurts to live every day, knowing I won't get some of my heart desires.

    But does that mean I should give up?
    NO WAY
    This is just the beginning.
    Im here to stay.
    Im here to go through the ups and the downs.
    Im here to fight for what my heart desires, even if it seems impossible.
    Until there isn't a breathe left in me, I will not give up.


Tuesday, 23 June 2009

  • WHY?


    What am i doing? i should be revising for my retakes. i have one more chance to get it right. Yet for some reason i can't find the motivation.
    What's even worse is that i push others to revise, to work harder.....but i can't even tell myself that i can do it, that if i just spend a little more time on it everything will work out.
    I've been thrown so many lifelines. I'm afraid this time will be my last unless i do something about it. Yet i still do nothing.
    It's like my mind is fighting with itself, the body doesn't know what do to and so it sits and watches until one emerges victorious.

    This is one part of my life where i struggle a lot. Unfortunately its the part of my life that will determine my future.
    I know i can change, i can improve, i can get my life back on track. But it's easier said than done. I just hope it won't be too late.

    Just for a while, i want to be in that place.
    Where my troubles and worries are afar.
    Where i feel accepted, cherished and loved.
    Where I'm cared for, sheltered and warm.
    Where nothing can hurt me or get me down.
    Where you comfort me, encourage me and inspire me.
    Just for a while, I want to be in that place.
    In your arms.


Saturday, 20 June 2009

  • Hold On To The Nights


    Just when I believed I couldn't ever want for more
    This ever changing world pushes me through another door
    I saw you smile
    And my mind could not erase the beauty of you face
    Just for awhile
    Won't you let me shelter you

    Hold on to the nights
    Hold on to the memories
    I wish that I could give you something more
    That I could be yours

    How do we explain something that took us by surprise
    Promises in vain, love that is real but in disguise
    What happens now
    Do we break another rule
    Let our lovers play the fool
    I don't know how
    To stop feeling this way

    Hold on to the nights
    Hold on to the memories
    I wish that I could give you something more
    That I could be yours

    Well, I think that I've been true to everybody else but me
    And the way I feel about you makes my heart long to be free
    Every time I look into your eyes, I'm helplessly aware
    That the someone I've been searching for is right there

    Hold on to the nights

    Richard Marx - Hold On To The Nights

    Nice lyrics i thought i would share :)


Monday, 15 June 2009

  • The Future


    As i sat on a bench in the park having a little quiet time, i didn't know if it was the rain falling on my face or tears from my eyes.

    I put on a brave face when i'm out in public, but really i have my own struggles and problems to deal with. It's not just some of us, it's all of us.
    In this family, God's family, there are no secrets, there are no struggles and problems He can't help you with. Whatever it is, He will show you what you're looking for, He has the answers.

    It took me a long time to admit it, of course it did. Admitting i'm struggling and in need of help is hard. But lifting all my problems to God and asking Him for help is the best possible thing i can do.
    So maybe i won't get a reply straight away. But He works in the most amazing ways. It may be a sudden sign, a solution. Or it could simply be your friends just saying "hey, whats up?....i'm here for you"

    We have no way of knowing what will happen in a few minutes, hours, days....years.
    It scares me. No It terrifies me. but I have to stop thinking about it! i need to have faith, and believe whatever happens is best for me.
    I have to take each day one at a time and be thankful for what i have and make the most of it. After all, God loves me and this will never change. What more can i ask for?
    :)


Wednesday, 03 June 2009

  • Purpose


    Uncle Adrian came over for a BBQ on Sunday because we took Matt and Dan home with us. The food was nice...but the chat after was even better!
    We talked about the future plans for the church/Y4C and activities we could do in the summer....it was great XD can't wait for some of the idea's to actually happen!

    I don't know about the rest of you, but i find it okay to open up and speak my true feelings in front of my parents and others. I learnt a lot about myself which helped me to realise what my "role" is.

    I went through some really hard times in my life and im glad to say it's helped me. I pulled through and now i'm a better person because of it. I'm not saying i've suffered more than the rest of you, i'm sure everyone has had their bad experiences.....some even worse than mine.
    But these lessons in life can't just be given to you, you have to go through it yourselves and take the pain and suffering if you want to grow stronger.
    I hate seeing people suffer, it crushes my soul. i don't want any of you to go through the sleepless nights/the crying/the loneliness/the what if's? and the indescribable pain of a broken heart.
    Unfortunately as i said, in order to grow stronger...you have to grind it out. But know that you're never alone. The Lord is with you always, this will never change.

    All i can and will do is give you my shoulder to cry on, my time to listen to you and my love to you.

    I'll be ready to catch you if you ever go too far over the edge.
    I'll be ready to jump in after you if you go too deep.
    I'll be ready to search the ends of the earth to find you if you're lost.
    I'll be holding your hand, i won't let you slip away.
    I'm here for you, whenever, wherever and whatever.
    ♥